"Maxim Hometown Hottie" Does Not a Model Make

So there you are, in all of your model-esque glory. Long, stringy locks,extensions so new you can smell the polyester. Spray tan shimmering dirtily under the aluminum stage light (makeshift of course...for ambiance). Caked amounts of MAC on your (only slightly) dehydrated skin from the celebratory drinking the night before. You applied the eyeliner just so, getting that perfect "racoon sweating off their makeup" look. And what kind of model would you be without those brand new tits being shown off in all of their glory?! (visible push up bra included). These new calf high stripper heels & booty shorts were very expensive, you know. You my dear, are
now a model. And anyone who disputes this is probably just jealous of the pouty, half (can't give it ALL away, I mean your Playboy debut would be ruined!) slutty faces & posing you had spent years perfecting in the mirror. Don't mind the fact you're a tad bit short and when you look at your fierce self, you are just as skinny as those fashion models, only hotter because damn girl, you've got curves!( "Kate Moss was 5'7, who's to say 5'4 is any different. I am rockin' my 26 year old, size 10 self. Haters gonna hate")
That guy with the camera starts his magic, and you my sweet, sweet girl, are destined for fame.
It would be a crime (I mean literally a JAILABLE offense!) If you didn't introduce yourself to.every single guy at the club & all of your friend's friends as a model. And if you are an entrepreneur, my plastic goddess, all of your patrons at that college just-barely-off-campus bar you work at will have seen your ModelMayhem portfolio (thats THE place to get discovered, bro.) And have heard about your world travels, shooting for Gucci, Maxim and Ed Hardy. (okay, you had stretched the truth a little, but they will never know. Plus, you were a video girl in that local rapper's music video on youtube. If that doesn't prove your fame *or the bumper sticker on your car that boldly states "local celeb"* then damnit you don't know what will.)

So, my princess, as you walk down the local hair school runway to the latest "Sasha Fierce" hip hop tune, big hair,
and skimpy clothes, know that everyone in your hometown that voted you "Maxim Hometown Hottie" would love so much...


If you would choke on a dick & die.


Oh the price of fame.